The smell of blood filled the room. I had no idea what had happened. I tried to remember, but thinking made my head hurt. The last thing I remembered was…was her saying goodbye. But now my thoughts were filled only with the pain in my head. As I pulled my hand from my hair and saw the blood on my fingers, I guessed at what happened. I must have fallen. I must have passed out and hit my head. Being anemic does have its share of downfalls.

I could almost remember now. She wanted me to stop worrying. She insisted she could do it alone. That she had to do it alone. But I told her she never had to do anything alone again; I was here for her forever. But…I still couldn’t remember what we were talking about. But before I could think anymore, the doorbell rang.

When I saw who was at the door, I could do nothing to hide my surprise. Mouth open, body frozen, breath still, I stared into a pair of tear-filled eyes.

“A-Ale-Alessa…” I stammered. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

She gasped at the sight of blood running down my face. “What happened to you?!” But as she reached for my face I shrunk back.

“Why are you here?” I asked again, now more curious than shocked.

“Because,” she said, “I lied to you. I didn’t—I don’t want to leave you.”

Silence. Then “…why did you say you did?”

More silence. A quiet that seemed to last a lifetime. “I…didn’t want to hurt you anymore. I love you…”

“Love me?!” I shouted. “You love me enough to lie to me?!”

“I love you,” she began to sob, “so much that I would do anything to make you happy. Even lie.”

Now I didn’t have the heart to shout. “You love me so much that you would leave me?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “If it would make you happy, then yes.”

I brought her inside, and we talked things out on the living room couch. Mostly she apologized and I told her it was okay, since I still couldn’t remember everything. A couple times I hugged her, but it was awkward and uncomfortable. She even asked me to kiss her, but I told her I couldn’t. That didn’t quite seem to be the high point of her day.

“Please?” she begged. “I need to feel your lips again.”

I didn’t know how. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I do it? The idea felt wrong. What was I forgetting? And why can’t I remember? I’ve hit my head before, and I know anemia and amnesia, although nearly homophonic, are two completely different things. So why couldn’t I remember our last conversation?

“Michael? Mike, honey, are you okay?” Alessa stroked my face.

“Huh? Oh…oh yeah, I’m okay…”

She seemed doubtful. “I thought I lost you there. What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” I lied. “I was just dizzy. You know how I get.”

“Right…” she said as she climbed slowly to her feet, “Well, I guess I should be going. My parents will get home soon.” Get home? It was dark outside, wasn’t it?

“Okay,” I answered, glancing out the door as I opened it for her. I was right. It was dark. Her father was a bank teller, and her mother was a housewife. Neither appropriated such late nights.

But my thoughts were interrupted by the whip of cold rain battering my face. I closed the door and turned to Alessa, my face and hair dripping on the hardwood floor.

At first I couldn’t tell what it was. It sounded so strange. It took me a moment to realize what the noise was. Laughter. Alessa was laughing. I hadn’t heard that in so long…

“You look like a sick monkey!” she cackled in my face. But I knew she meant it in a good way. Or something.

“Yeah I bet,” I answered dryly. “Anyway I guess you aren’t going home in this weather.”

She sighed. “I guess not. I should wait until the rain stops. But I need to call my parents at the courthouse and tell them where I am.” She was already dialing the numbers into her cell phone.

“Courthouse?” I asked myself aloud.

Alessa stared back in disbelief. “Yeah…they’re getting a divorce, remember?”

A divorce! That’s what it was! That’s why her parents were out so late. And that’s what she thought she could handle. Wasn’t it?
“Oh yeah… Sorry, I guess I blocked it from my memory. It’s not the kinda thing I want to think about.”

As I half listened Alessa making up a story about forgetting a textbook at my house, I began to wonder where my own family was. My mom, my dad, and my sister. I tried to think, but I still couldn’t remember. What happened to me? I couldn’t remember anything… Minor amnesia due to my glorious rendezvous with the floor? That seemed too easy. Still, Okham’s Razor dictates that the simplest explanation is often the correct one…

“Mike? Baby, are you okay?” Alessa slipped the phone into her pocket.

“Uhm…yeah. I’m okay. Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“About what?” she asked, slinking toward me like a cat on the prowl.

I swallowed a knot swelling up in my throat. “You,” I lied. Seemed like I’d be doing that a lot tonight.

“Aww,” she cooed, wrapping her arms around my neck, “that’s so sweet.”

And so we kissed. But it felt strange. Not wrong, just…different. But then again, nothing felt the same that night. I felt more aware. But everything seemed like a dream. I could feel every crease and fold of her lips, every drop of saliva that slid from her tongue to mine. It was like waking up after a long sleep.

“I really do love you, Mike,” she said after a short pause.

I pulled one of her hands off my neck and kissed it. “I know. And I love you too.”

I slipped out of her grasp and plopped back onto the couch. She lay down on it, resting her head in my lap and staring up into my eyes.

She smiled. “You seem different today.”

“I am. It’s not every day you get dumped and hook back up a few hours later.”

She seemed puzzled. “What do you mean, Mike? We broke up yesterday.”

I just sat there, gaping in disbelief. Had I really slept through a whole day? Had I really been unconscious over twenty-four hours…?

“You didn’t know, Mike?” Alessa sat up. “You poor thing! You must’ve slept all day!” She wrapped her arms around me. “You really were tired.” She squeezed me tightly.

“Yeah,” I said in reply. “I was.” Or at least I guessed I was.

I shifted uncomfortably as she released me. She kissed my cheek and let out a sigh. I could feel her warm breath tickling my skin.

She seemed unusually frisky. Which was understandable; she just wanted affection. Something to get her mind off the fact that her life is basically being deconstructed before her very eyes. And frankly, she was handling it very well. Aside from the momentary break up, the only affect it’s had on her was for her to crave positive attention. No wonder she came back.

Suddenly I felt her fingertips dancing across my bare forearms. It startled me for a moment; I almost always wear a jacket, even around Alessa, because I don’t normally like when people touch my skin. She obviously realized this and decided to take advantage of the opportunity by slowly making her way down my arm with her fingers. Still, it was nice to feel her playing across a patch of skin I so rarely allow anyone to even see, much less touch. As she traced her way across my wrists, however, her expression was quickly changed to that of somberness, almost fear. As she slid her soft fingertips across a small portion of my wrist, I felt a slight pain shoot through my arm, and I jerked it out of her hands.

As my glance shifted in turn from the still-fresh scar on my wrist to Alessa’s face, her beautiful face now contorted in a look of horror heightened by her rushed breathing, I began to panic. I had no idea where the scar came from! As I looked closer though, I could see that it led all the way up my arm, gliding along eminently close to a large vein that showed prominently through my pale skin.

“Mike!! What the fuck is that?!”

“I-I don’t know!” I stammered. “I don’t remember doing that!”

“Michael…baby…” She took hold of my hands. “What happened, really? You know you can tell me.”

“I really, really don’t know! I swear! I-I just remember…” A deep sigh escaped my lips as I rose despairingly to my feet. “…the last thing I remember was you saying goodbye. I don’t remember the rest of the conversation, or what I did afterward, or even where my fucking family is!”

Alessa rose to her feet, threw her arms around me, and began to cry. “What happened to you Mike?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted as I embraced her. “I really don’t know.”

After crying a few moments, she looked up and fought off her tears long enough to mutter between sobs that my family went to Houston for my sister’s dance recital. Jenny had a dance recital? I don’t remember that… Why didn’t they take me? I may not like dances but I love Jenny to death; I’d have gladly gone just for her.

But that wasn’t my biggest concern, not now. I had to calm Alessa down somehow. I can’t stand to see her cry. Her mascara running down her face, her bright red cheeks, her heavy, labored breathing… It hurts too much.

“Shh,” I said, as I stroked her hair. “Shh, everything will be okay. We’ll get through this…whatever this is.”

As Alessa stifled her tears and gazed longingly into my eyes, I heard a key turning in the door. Realizing neither of us could be seen like this, I led Alessa up the stairs to my private bathroom where I started to scrub the blood off my face and hands and she removed her makeup. I realized then I rarely see her without makeup on.

I turned to her, blood smeared all over my face and all over my hands, and said “You are so beautiful. Why do you always wear makeup?”

“Oh…” She turned and stared into my eyes. “I’m not really that pretty. No one but you thinks I am.”

But aren’t I the only one that matters? “How do I look right now?”

“Wonderful,” She said. “Absolutely radiant.”

“Even though I’m smeared with blood?”

“Yes. You’re beautiful even through the blood.”

I smiled indignantly. “Oh gee, did I just make a point?”

I could hear Jenny scramble into my room, ready to greet me and tell me she loves me and I’m the best brother in the world and that she’s not mad that I didn’t go to her recital. When she found the room to be empty, I heard her shrill, sweet voice sing out, “Miiiiiiiiikeeeeeeyyyy!!!!” Alessa and I couldn’t help but giggle.

“I’m in the bathroom!” I shouted back, trying my hardest not to laugh. “I’ll be out in a minute!”

Her call rang through the entire house. “Okaaaayyyyy!!!”

Alessa smiled at me, amazed. “She really does love you, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah,” I shrugged. “I guess she does.”

“Fuck. I don’t need that kind of competition.” She smiled widely.

“Yeah, since you know I kiss my sister like this,” I said, with a strait face and no hint of sarcasm in my voice at all before kissing Alessa. We both looked terrible, with blood smeared all over my face and half-removed makeup rubbing off of her lips and onto mine. But we didn’t care.

“Mikeeeeyyy!!! Hurry uuuup!!!!”

“God,” I laughed. “What a mood killer.”

“I know,” Alessa giggled. “I can’t believe you let her call you that!”

“I can’t believe I let you call me shnookum!”

“I know!” Alessa burst out laughing. “Me neither!”

“Yeah…” I smirked. “But I got you back. Snugglebutt.”

“OH MY GOD.” She shouted. “NO.”

“Oh yes!” I started to sprint to the door.

“No!” Alessa followed in suit.

As the two of us crashed out of the bathroom and onto the hallway floor, dirty, bloody, and red-eyed, Jenny came bounding up the stairs holding a small trophy.

“Hey Mikey!” A sudden look of surprise crossed her face. “I didn’t know Alley was here. Hi Alley!!” Jenny scrambled forward and wrapped her arms around Alessa’s neck. “What happened to you?”

“Oh, nothing,” Alessa answered. “Shnookum and I were just playing dress-up.”

“Oh. You’re really weird.” Jenny turned to me and held out her trophy. “Look what I got!”

“Oh that’s great!” I took the gilded prize in my hands. “Get off me, snugglebutt!” I muttered while I squirmed out from underneath Alessa and climbed to my feet. “Best in show! Way to go Jenny!” I handed the trophy back to her and scooped her up and hugged her tightly.

When I set Jenny down I noticed my parents walking up the stairs, my father with a pill bottle in his hand. And by the sound of it, an empty pill bottle.

“What’s this?” he asked in his stern yet caring fatherly voice.

“We’re outta Tylenol?” I joked.

“We had a full bottle yesterday. And we found this next to a bloodstain at the computer desk. Something tells me a DNA test will prove it matches the blood dried to your head.”

“Oh yeah, I hit my head really hard and I took a little Tylenol,” I lied. Or at least I think it was a lie.

“A whole bottle?!” my mother chimed in.

“Okay, so I took a lot of Tylenol. I’m fine, aren’t I?” I could feel Alessa scuttle behind me and wrap her arms around my legs, peeking out from behind them like a child.

“And what is she doing here?” my father asked, pointing at Alessa as she shrunk back behind my legs. “Sight-seeing?!”

“She missed me.” At least this was the truth.

“You two broke up!” I think he was starting to get angry.

Alessa whispered, so silently I could barely hear it myself, “I missed him…”

I shrugged. “I begged and pleaded with her until she came back.”

It seemed my mother was adamant to have my stomach pumped. “And what about all that Tylenol? Don’t you know that’s poisonous?!”

“Hey,” I said, “I didn’t take all of them.”

Alessa slowly slid out and playfully added, “I took some…”

“Shut up!” I snapped quietly.

“Great!” my father shouted. “Now you’ve got her pill popping!”

“No!” I shouted. “I…I just spilt it! That’s all. And I threw the rest away because it fell on the floor.”

Jenny ran up to our father and wrapped her arms around his legs, almost mirroring Alessa and I. “Don’t get mad at him daddy! He’s a good boy!”

Father let out a sigh, bent down to face Jenny, and said, “I know honey, I know. I just worry about him sometimes.”

My mother sighed too, but out of relief, not frustration. “Edward, let’s just let them be. It looks like they had a long day.”

“Thanks Miss Janet,” added Alessa.

Jenny hugged Alessa and me before skipping back down the stairs after her parents.

Alessa stood up and asked, “So what’s with the Tylenol bottle anyway?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I never even noticed it.”

Alessa tugged at my collar. “You slept over twenty-four hours. That’s not like you. Think you ODed?”

“I couldn’t have,” I said. “A whole bottle? I’d be roadkill. Anyway…” I grabbed Alessa’s hands and led her into my room. “Wadaya wanna do?”

“Anything,” She said, closing the door silently. “As long as it’s with you.”

I embraced Alessa and kissed her, squeezing in a few words between breaths. “Do you…wanna…watch…a movie?”

“Sure.” Alessa suddenly nudged me away and flung herself onto my bed. “Which one?”

“Something romantic,” I suggested.

Alessa’s eyes lit up. “The Grudge?”

I shrugged. “Why not?”

I dug through my DVD collection, searching for Alessa’s and my all-time favorite horror movie as she pelted me with pillows and alarm clocks and a menagerie of other random objects. But right after I found it, before I put it in the machine, Alessa’s phone rang.

“Fuck, what now?” Alessa fumbled in her pocket for her cell phone.

When she answered it her annoyed yet joyful smile faded into a grave melancholy. After a few “Yeah…”s and a “Now?” she folded the phone and stowed it back in her pocket.

“Well, who was it?” I asked, masking my concern with a cheerful smile.

“My mom…I hafta go to court so they can fight over custody of me.”

What a wonderful topping to a wonderful night. “No…no. Shit man. We were just about to put in the Grudge and fall asleep snuggled up and….no.”

Alessa stood up. “If my father wins…” Her eyes seemed to be replaying some horrible memory. “If he wins custody I‘ll have to move with him to Arizona…”

“No!” I shouted, leaping to my feet. “He can’t have you!”

I let Alessa out the front door in an attempt to seem inconspicuous then proceeded to climb out of my window; I knew my father wouldn’t let me go. On my way out the window, Jenny ran in. “You’re running away aren’t you!”

“No!” I said. “No, I’m going to help Alessa.”

“Oh.” Jenny held out her hand. “Here. I should give this back now.” As she opened her palm a bloodstained razor dropped into the palm of my hand. “I saw you doing it…”

Doing it? Did she mean… “Jenny!” I grabbed her arm and yanked back the sleeves of her pajamas—and there it was. A bright red line, tracing the length of her forearm, pouring out her essence. Spilling everything that keeps my sister alive out onto the ground. Because of me. I tossed the razor to the ground and shuffled all the way into my room.

“Mom!! Dad!! Alessa!! Get in here!!!” My parents came in running, and Alessa climbed in my window. My father scooped Jenny up and ran down the stairs. My mother called an ambulance. And Alessa stayed with me. She was with me the entire time. She held me, and she comforted me all the way to the hospital. She missed her custody case because she stayed with me in the hospital while I waited to see what they could do to save Jenny. To save my sister. She stayed because she loved me.

We had to spend the night. Twice. Alessa’s parents never called. Why would they call? Either one only wanted her for the child support. But soon, in just another year, she could leave. She knew this. So she stayed. And eventually, Jenny’s arm healed up. Some permanent nerve damage though. They said it was minor. Nothing is ever minor. Nothing like this. It was major. She couldn’t move her right pinky and ring finger. And it was my fault. And I caused it. So for two days, I stayed at her side. And I ate nothing. I drank only water. Part of my penance. But in those two days, starved of food and of love, the only ones who loved me where the one lay in that bed in front of me and the one who was always right behind me. They were the ones who told me it wasn’t my fault. They were the ones who lied for me. To me. They were the ones who loved me enough to suffer for me, and tell me that it wasn’t my fault. But I knew they were lying. And I loved them all the more because of it.

And so eventually my parents forgave me. But I never forgave myself. During the two days I was waiting in the hospital I remembered everything. Alessa left me. I loved her more than the world. The pills and the razor were testaments to that. But it didn’t work. She never knew. But she came back. And I told her. And she stayed with me. Forever.